Thursday, January 8, 2009
Wrong Dating Reasons
You meet an amazing man and INSTANTLY fall for each other. For a while, things are perfect. He's loving, affectionate, and you share things you've never shared with anyone else ever before. You start to believe that he could finally be the one. But then things start to shift…and he becomes distant and withdrawn. Instead of being present and wanting to talk and share with you, he’s often distracted, irritated and doesn't seem as happy just to see you and be with you. And then it happens. Out of the blue he says something like, "I really care about you, but I’m just not ready for a serious relationship right now." Of course you're devastated and completely taken off-guard. Were you the only one feeling how great you were together? Was there something wrong with him? Was he afraid of commitment? Or maybe…just maybe you got in the relationship and started moving towards a committed relationship with this man for the wrong reasons. Most women never set out to find and fall into a relationship for the wrong reasons, but it’s an unfortunately common process. Here are 3 of the wrong reasons to get involved in a relationship: Wrong Reason #1: Avoiding That Lonely Feeling Another weekend rolls around...but you have no one special to share it with. You get into your bed at night alone and wonder, “I’m a great woman. Why don’t I have a real partner to share my life with?” You might not see it…but on an unconscious level, the struggles of a BAD RELATIONSHIP may actually be more comfortable and familiar to you than the idea of being alone. When you fear being alone, you’re much more likely to make bad choices and end up getting involved with and staying in bad relationships because it distracts you from feeling lonely. Wrong Reason #2: Caving In To Social Pressure Are a bunch of your friends married, engaged, or falling deeper into lasting, committed relationships with great guys? If so, odds are it's having a strong impact on the way you're thinking and feeling. Seeing the love and luck that other women have in relationships can make you feel an intense level of pressure to find the right lasting relationship now. Ironically, your intense desire to have a great relationship will push men away. The man in your life may feel like you're more interested in the idea of a good relationship than you are in him and how he actually feels when he's with you. Wrong Reason #3: Filling The Void If you believe that a loving relationship will ease the emptiness inside you, the harsh reality is that no relationship is ever going to be able to “fill you up.” And if you try, it’s almost certain that the man in your life will start to sense this and be turned off and not want your relationship to work or last. Once the easy emotional connection and satisfaction of “new love” wears off... you'll find that you're not "filled up" after all and no matter what he does or says, ultimately it won't be good enough... or feel good enough for you. This "void" is the very thing that makes you so vulnerable to the wrong relationships in the first place – it will lead you to get involved not because a man or a relationship is right for you... but because you are driven to fill the void.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
5 Great Conversation Starters
From eHarmony:
Picture this scene: You’ve scored a first date with an attractive person. He or she is sitting in front of you, waiting to know the interesting and personable you. You search yourself for something clever to say and…nothing. Coming up with friendly conversation on the spot isn’t always easy. We have compiled a list of surefire conversation starters for a stress-free introduction. 1) “Describe the Perfect Day” Narrow your query down by asking about his or her perfect Sunday or to share their pick of the most beautiful place in the world. Providing a glimpse into what you do with your free time or your definition of beauty helps to describe your priorities, hobbies and practices that you hold dear. Your perfect day could entail some R&R by the pool, spending time with family or volunteering in your community. Sharing your ideas of a perfect day helps to determine if your conversation partner is adventurous, independent, outdoorsy or cerebral.
2) “What is the most Foolish Thing you’ve Ever Done?” Mistakes can be an amusing learning experience, inspiring humility and perspective. Narrow the quandary down to a crazy impulse purchase or a certain time in your life for some focus. Sharing some insight on eating a live goldfish to impress your friends in college, to getting a scorpion tattoo at 17 in your cousin’s garage, or simply forgetting your passport on your European vacation just reminds us that we are all human and can learn from those painful and oftentimes comical blunders. 3) Would you Rather…? “Would You Rather” is a unique conversation starter/game that constantly evolves. Although there are several variations, “Would You Rather” is a riddle that you propose to another, giving two options, requiring a choice between the two. The quandary may dabble from the gross to the silly, questioning your moral fortitude to merely selecting the lesser of two evils. Present your counterpart with the option of giving up technology or giving up your pet, finding true love or finding $1 million dollars. “Would You Rather” initiates a lively dialogue that is creative and different every time. No doubt that your fellow chatter will want to reciprocate with his or her original retort. 4) “Do you have a Pet? Did you Have any pets Growing Up?” Pet owners must care for something in addition to themselves, indicating a sensitive and a responsible nature. Finding commonalities from the best dog park or what to feed Mr. Whiskers lets you carry on an informative and entertaining conversation. In addition, animals can be the funniest creatures, complete with paw-in-the-paint-bucket stories or fond memories from childhood. What better way to get to know someone than over some chuckles and cherished tales of your four-legged friends? 5) “If you Found $100, What would you do with it? Did anyone see you pick it up? Is it the middle of the night or during broad daylight? Would you look for the rightful owner of the money? Would you pay off a bill? Would you take your friends out to dinner? There may be many variables on how you came upon this fictional cash, but look - now you are having a conversation! How you handle or spend “free” money also indicates your priorities and what you like to do to treat yourself. Sharing this information with your conversation partner can offer some insight into your personality, your core moral beliefs and your creativity. It could even spark a few laughs, if for instance he elects to spend it on Luchador masks or she would purchase the Time Life-Ultimate Rock Ballad series. Sure, you can’t win them all. The aforementioned conversation starters may not garner total success every time, but at least you will have taken the initiative to make nervous introductions run a little smoother. The important part of conversation is to find something in common with your acquaintance while compelling them to remember you. Try out a few, varying your questions depending on your audience, noting which starters work better than others. Long gone are the days of astrological signs and professional shoptalk to start up a conversation. Now you are ready to make your first impression memorable and fun.
Picture this scene: You’ve scored a first date with an attractive person. He or she is sitting in front of you, waiting to know the interesting and personable you. You search yourself for something clever to say and…nothing. Coming up with friendly conversation on the spot isn’t always easy. We have compiled a list of surefire conversation starters for a stress-free introduction. 1) “Describe the Perfect Day” Narrow your query down by asking about his or her perfect Sunday or to share their pick of the most beautiful place in the world. Providing a glimpse into what you do with your free time or your definition of beauty helps to describe your priorities, hobbies and practices that you hold dear. Your perfect day could entail some R&R by the pool, spending time with family or volunteering in your community. Sharing your ideas of a perfect day helps to determine if your conversation partner is adventurous, independent, outdoorsy or cerebral.
2) “What is the most Foolish Thing you’ve Ever Done?” Mistakes can be an amusing learning experience, inspiring humility and perspective. Narrow the quandary down to a crazy impulse purchase or a certain time in your life for some focus. Sharing some insight on eating a live goldfish to impress your friends in college, to getting a scorpion tattoo at 17 in your cousin’s garage, or simply forgetting your passport on your European vacation just reminds us that we are all human and can learn from those painful and oftentimes comical blunders. 3) Would you Rather…? “Would You Rather” is a unique conversation starter/game that constantly evolves. Although there are several variations, “Would You Rather” is a riddle that you propose to another, giving two options, requiring a choice between the two. The quandary may dabble from the gross to the silly, questioning your moral fortitude to merely selecting the lesser of two evils. Present your counterpart with the option of giving up technology or giving up your pet, finding true love or finding $1 million dollars. “Would You Rather” initiates a lively dialogue that is creative and different every time. No doubt that your fellow chatter will want to reciprocate with his or her original retort. 4) “Do you have a Pet? Did you Have any pets Growing Up?” Pet owners must care for something in addition to themselves, indicating a sensitive and a responsible nature. Finding commonalities from the best dog park or what to feed Mr. Whiskers lets you carry on an informative and entertaining conversation. In addition, animals can be the funniest creatures, complete with paw-in-the-paint-bucket stories or fond memories from childhood. What better way to get to know someone than over some chuckles and cherished tales of your four-legged friends? 5) “If you Found $100, What would you do with it? Did anyone see you pick it up? Is it the middle of the night or during broad daylight? Would you look for the rightful owner of the money? Would you pay off a bill? Would you take your friends out to dinner? There may be many variables on how you came upon this fictional cash, but look - now you are having a conversation! How you handle or spend “free” money also indicates your priorities and what you like to do to treat yourself. Sharing this information with your conversation partner can offer some insight into your personality, your core moral beliefs and your creativity. It could even spark a few laughs, if for instance he elects to spend it on Luchador masks or she would purchase the Time Life-Ultimate Rock Ballad series. Sure, you can’t win them all. The aforementioned conversation starters may not garner total success every time, but at least you will have taken the initiative to make nervous introductions run a little smoother. The important part of conversation is to find something in common with your acquaintance while compelling them to remember you. Try out a few, varying your questions depending on your audience, noting which starters work better than others. Long gone are the days of astrological signs and professional shoptalk to start up a conversation. Now you are ready to make your first impression memorable and fun.
Monday, January 5, 2009
5 Questions to ASK your MATE
From eHarmony:
Think your budding relationship is rock solid? Before you travel any further down the path towards happily ever after, you may need to first address some tough questions. As intimidating as it may be to bring up certain subjects in a new relationship, your future success and happiness depend on your willingness to be brave and bold. What follows are five questions you need to ask your significant other in the near future:
1) “Where do you see this Going?”
In any new relationship, some inevitable questions must be asked. Where is this romance going? Are we exclusive? If not, do you want to be? While these issues can be intimidating to address, they’re essential because the answers help you and your potential partner see where you stand. If you’re on the same page, sharing the same relationship goals, fantastic! If not, you need to know sooner rather than later so you can decide if you want to stick around or cut your losses and move on.
2) “Are you Marriage-Minded?”
Truthfully, you need to ask yourself that question first. Is the person you’re dating someone you could see yourself settling down with? If the answer is yes, you then need to broach the subject with your sweetie. Do they see a long-term committed relationship with you in the future? While you should never ask this kind of question on the first date (or even on date #5), if a certain level of physical and emotional intimacy has been established, you owe it to yourself to pose the question. After all, do you want to fall any harder for someone you’re already smitten with if you know there’s no future?
3) “What about Kids?”
First, you’ll want to check in with yourself and see how you feel about starting a family of your own. Next, you’ll want to ask your partner how they feel about the subject. If your family values are in alignment, congratulations! You’re one step closer to your happily ever after future. However, if one of you wants children while the other one does not, that may be considered a deal breaker. Rather than expect your partner to change their position to match yours, respect them for their choice. This is a massively important consideration in a relationship. If necessary, you may decide to part ways as a result of conflicting desires about having or not having children.
4) “Are you Saving for your Future?”
One of the major sources of tension in relationships revolves around money. That’s why it’s important early on to start talking to your potential partner about their (and your) fiscal fitness. Are they (or you) knee deep in debt with no plan for repayment? Do they regularly put money away for a rainy day, retirement, etc.? If not, what is their master financial plan? While this particular subject can be sticky, it’s absolutely necessary to talk about. After all, if you can talk about money with your honey, you can pretty much talk about anything.
5) “Where do you see yourself in five years/10 years/20 years?”
As you enter into an exclusive relationship with someone new, it’s important to communicate about long-term goals, dreams, and plans. For example, if the person you’re dating wants to quit their job in six months, travel the world, and work with the Peace Corp, that would be valuable information to know as soon as possible, wouldn’t it? Or, if your potential partner hates his or her job but has no plans to make a change, you’ll have to decide if their career unhappiness will negatively affect you and your relationship in the future. Plus, by coming clean about your own vision of the future, you give your sweetie the opportunity to decide whether or not they’re in the picture with you.
As tricky as tackling some of these questions with your sweetie can be, your future relationship success depends on your ability to communicate with one another. If you can establish comfortable and healthy lines of communication early on, it’ll be easier to deal with the occasional bumps in the road. Above all else, remember to be true to yourself, summon your inner strength, and tackle the tough questions early on. That way you cut down on wasted time and pave the way toward your happily ever after future.
Think your budding relationship is rock solid? Before you travel any further down the path towards happily ever after, you may need to first address some tough questions. As intimidating as it may be to bring up certain subjects in a new relationship, your future success and happiness depend on your willingness to be brave and bold. What follows are five questions you need to ask your significant other in the near future:
1) “Where do you see this Going?”
In any new relationship, some inevitable questions must be asked. Where is this romance going? Are we exclusive? If not, do you want to be? While these issues can be intimidating to address, they’re essential because the answers help you and your potential partner see where you stand. If you’re on the same page, sharing the same relationship goals, fantastic! If not, you need to know sooner rather than later so you can decide if you want to stick around or cut your losses and move on.
2) “Are you Marriage-Minded?”
Truthfully, you need to ask yourself that question first. Is the person you’re dating someone you could see yourself settling down with? If the answer is yes, you then need to broach the subject with your sweetie. Do they see a long-term committed relationship with you in the future? While you should never ask this kind of question on the first date (or even on date #5), if a certain level of physical and emotional intimacy has been established, you owe it to yourself to pose the question. After all, do you want to fall any harder for someone you’re already smitten with if you know there’s no future?
3) “What about Kids?”
First, you’ll want to check in with yourself and see how you feel about starting a family of your own. Next, you’ll want to ask your partner how they feel about the subject. If your family values are in alignment, congratulations! You’re one step closer to your happily ever after future. However, if one of you wants children while the other one does not, that may be considered a deal breaker. Rather than expect your partner to change their position to match yours, respect them for their choice. This is a massively important consideration in a relationship. If necessary, you may decide to part ways as a result of conflicting desires about having or not having children.
4) “Are you Saving for your Future?”
One of the major sources of tension in relationships revolves around money. That’s why it’s important early on to start talking to your potential partner about their (and your) fiscal fitness. Are they (or you) knee deep in debt with no plan for repayment? Do they regularly put money away for a rainy day, retirement, etc.? If not, what is their master financial plan? While this particular subject can be sticky, it’s absolutely necessary to talk about. After all, if you can talk about money with your honey, you can pretty much talk about anything.
5) “Where do you see yourself in five years/10 years/20 years?”
As you enter into an exclusive relationship with someone new, it’s important to communicate about long-term goals, dreams, and plans. For example, if the person you’re dating wants to quit their job in six months, travel the world, and work with the Peace Corp, that would be valuable information to know as soon as possible, wouldn’t it? Or, if your potential partner hates his or her job but has no plans to make a change, you’ll have to decide if their career unhappiness will negatively affect you and your relationship in the future. Plus, by coming clean about your own vision of the future, you give your sweetie the opportunity to decide whether or not they’re in the picture with you.
As tricky as tackling some of these questions with your sweetie can be, your future relationship success depends on your ability to communicate with one another. If you can establish comfortable and healthy lines of communication early on, it’ll be easier to deal with the occasional bumps in the road. Above all else, remember to be true to yourself, summon your inner strength, and tackle the tough questions early on. That way you cut down on wasted time and pave the way toward your happily ever after future.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Cheap Dating
It’s supposed to be a festive time of year but often the financial burden of the holiday season, from the high cost of airline tickets home to long lists for gift giving, leaves the wallet empty for dating.
Five star dining, limo rides and expensive bottles of bubbly don’t make for a perfect date. Creativity and ingenuity are more important than any amount of money spent so leave the dozen roses at home and read on for our top ideas for dating on the cheap.
New York resident Preeti Nangia might live in one of the most expensive cities in the country but the high cost of living has made the single Manhattanite come up with creative ways to date without breaking the bank. “One of my favorite dates is to make my own walking tour of the city,” says Preeti. “Map out certain landmarks and stop by predetermined destinations along the way. End the date in a scenic location like a gorgeous hotel or park fountain. During the holidays make sure your tour lasts well into the evening to take in your neighborhood’s holiday lights or your cities downtown area, which probably has a decorated tree.”
Anything outdoors is usually free and has the added bonus of letting you show your athletic side. During the holidays, the weather lends itself to winter sports like skiing or snowboarding but the high cost of rentals and lift tickets can put a strain on the budget. Instead, indulge in the cold weather with a romantic evening ice skating at an outdoor rink, sledding, or if the rain isn’t an issue get bundled up for an outdoor hike and reward yourselves with hot cocoa by the fire.
Five star dining, limo rides and expensive bottles of bubbly don’t make for a perfect date. Creativity and ingenuity are more important than any amount of money spent so leave the dozen roses at home and read on for our top ideas for dating on the cheap.
New York resident Preeti Nangia might live in one of the most expensive cities in the country but the high cost of living has made the single Manhattanite come up with creative ways to date without breaking the bank. “One of my favorite dates is to make my own walking tour of the city,” says Preeti. “Map out certain landmarks and stop by predetermined destinations along the way. End the date in a scenic location like a gorgeous hotel or park fountain. During the holidays make sure your tour lasts well into the evening to take in your neighborhood’s holiday lights or your cities downtown area, which probably has a decorated tree.”
Anything outdoors is usually free and has the added bonus of letting you show your athletic side. During the holidays, the weather lends itself to winter sports like skiing or snowboarding but the high cost of rentals and lift tickets can put a strain on the budget. Instead, indulge in the cold weather with a romantic evening ice skating at an outdoor rink, sledding, or if the rain isn’t an issue get bundled up for an outdoor hike and reward yourselves with hot cocoa by the fire.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Does Your Partner Flirt Too Much?
Flirting is one of those relationship issues that can cause all kinds of discomfort, even in a relationship where there’s a healthy amount of trust. When one partner’s behaviors with the opposite sex leave the other partner feeling less than respected or less than trustful, then it’s probably time to explore the issue.
Being able to relate to all kinds of people is a good thing. And that includes people of the opposite sex. The question, of course, has to do with exactly how a person relates to people outside the relationship.
Nearly everyone would agree that it’s fine, and even important, to have friends who are both male and female. Likewise, nearly everyone will acknowledge that it’s possible to go over the line when it comes to flirting with other people.
So what has to be determined is where that line is in your relationship, and how you and your significant other deal with relationships with other people. Here are some suggestions to help you work through the issues together.
Being able to relate to all kinds of people is a good thing. And that includes people of the opposite sex. The question, of course, has to do with exactly how a person relates to people outside the relationship.
Nearly everyone would agree that it’s fine, and even important, to have friends who are both male and female. Likewise, nearly everyone will acknowledge that it’s possible to go over the line when it comes to flirting with other people.
So what has to be determined is where that line is in your relationship, and how you and your significant other deal with relationships with other people. Here are some suggestions to help you work through the issues together.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
eHarmony Dating
Welcome to the eHarmony dating website. We are going to be putting all the places that you can find a date through eHarmony.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)